I am so angry about Notre Dame losing Saturday, but who I blame is probably not who you expect.

I blame me, and me alone.

Did I act like the game was over Saturday after the Irish moved down the field and scored on the opening drive of the game? No, I did not.

Did I let the Huskies do just about anything they wanted to do with the ball? No.

Did I call a long pass play with a one-point lead and the clock running under the three-minute mark in the fourth quarter? Oh heck NO!

But I am fully and completely responsible for the powerful sense of angst and anger that I have felt since the game-winning field goal for Northern Illinois in the game’s final minute sailed through the goal posts.

I am fully and completely responsible for the softball-sized knot I have had in my stomach since about the middle of the third quarter of that game.

I can only control what I can control, and I cannot control whether or not Notre Dame beats anyone.

I cheer, cheer, cheer for Old Notre Dame. That’s most of my part of the process.

The other part is to remember that I cheer, cheer, cheer for Notre Dame.

Which means I should have seen this coming.

I should have remembered that Notre Dame rarely wins on the big stage, and when they do win a big game like the Irish did in Week 1 at Texas A&M and moved up to number 5 in the poll, I should have expected them to fail the following week.

I should have expected the team to underperform in that situation.

I should have believed that the fun of Kyle Field would fall back to sports-inflicted grief and despair.

I should have known.

We all should have known.

Frankly, historically epic home upset losses are as much a part of the legacy of the last 30 years of Notre Dame Football as Touchdown Jesus and the world’s best college band have ever been.

As a matter of fact, as Northern Illinois was driving down the field to win the game, I kept hearing a familiar voice in my head that repeated the phrase, “The kicker is David Gordon.”

On November 16, 1993, number 2 Notre Dame beat number 1 Florida State at Notre Dame Stadium to take over the top spot in college football.

A very mediocre Boston College Eagle team came to South Bend the following Saturday and was in a position to beat the Irish on a game-winning field goal with just a few seconds to play.

I was driving at the moment, and I pulled over to the side of the road to hear what happened in the final play. I was listening to my heroes, Tony Roberts and Tom Pagna, describing every twitch of every player on the field.

I heard Roberts call out the name of the snapper and holder, then said very calmly “the kicker is David Gordon.”

Just as calmly, Gordon stepped into the 41-yard field goal and kicked Notre Dame right out of the national championship conversation.

That exact feeling is how I felt Saturday night when the Huskies lined up to kick the field goal at the end of the game.

I guess I am just tired, as a Notre Dame fan, of expecting disappointment.

It’s not that I expect Notre Dame to be in the national championship game every year, or even the final four! I not a spoiled Fighting Irish fan like some surely are.

No, I just am tired of losing out on special seasons for the wrong reasons. If the Irish had lost to the Aggies last weekend, I could have handled that a lot better than the other way around.

And the thing is, if it was one person being the common thread through all of the frustration, that person could be replaced.

But it’s not. Different head coaches, different coordinators, different players — same result.

Now what?

They will be favored in just about every game that remains on the schedule. Assuming they go 9-1 the rest of the way, they will finish 10-2 and will find themselves sitting around large TV screens with stern looks on their faces, wondering if they will see their name in the brackets of the new 12-team playoff.

It’s going to be months before we know … but it might feel like years.

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